On Men and Monsters
In fiction, there is often no question as to the significance of monsters used in a given story. Monsters represent that which is dark and evil in humanity. We write and read about them to acknowledge their impact on our lives and to define the very real monsters that exist in our world. While many writers are vague about their influences or base their writing on secondhand experiences, it is important for me to share about my past encounters with real human monsters and how they have influenced both my life and my fiction.
I come from a family of vampires—not the immortal, blood-sucking creatures of lore, but rather psychological leeches who thrive on the undue, often negative, attention of others. For many years, I also contributed to the dysfunction, continuing the cycle of harmful behaviors and self-destruction by partnering myself with abusive men. When I finally did break the cycle, the reality of my family’s energy sucking behaviors was both sobering and unsettling. I had just left my fiancé, who had left me with a cracked skull, torn rotator cuff, split lips, and bruises from head to toe, and I had temporarily moved “back home” to regain my bearings and start over my life. After years of living hundreds, sometimes thousands, of miles away from my parents and siblings (they moved often), I had not realized that the family from which I came had striking similarities to the man I had just escaped.
I learned that my mother and youngest sister, like a number of other members of my extended family, suffer from a type of personality disorder that makes it nearly impossible for them to empathize with others. Even worse, their worlds consist of one drama after the next, leaving heartache and destruction in their wakes. They live to gain attention from others, no matter how their actions might affect the people around them. Moreover, they achieve varying levels of pleasure in causing others pain. As I came to identify the darkness within my family, I began to identify that darkness within myself—and I began to distance myself from both. As I did so, I was able to see it with even greater clarity, and the more I distanced myself from them, the more they worked to reel me back into their dysfunction.
I now live free of my past monsters, but it has been a long and painful journey to get to where I now stand. My past has left me with much to share, and so I write about the people I have left behind: they are the monsters in my horror, the aliens in my sci-fi, and the dark shadows in my literary fiction. They are the creatures from the furthest depths of my imagination, and they are the lessons I hope I never have to repeat again. In writing about—and overcoming—them, I offer a slice of reality and hope to my readers. After all, the only way to destroy a monster is to expose it the light.
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Lisa Lane lives in Las Vegas with her husband and their two cats. She has authored over a dozen novels and screenplays, as well as numerous short stories and essays, and she prides herself in her ability to move between different genres and formats. Her literary influences include Olaf Stapledon, Kurt Vonnegut, and Anne Rice.
13 Comments
January 26, 2010
Lisa, that’s a wonderful post! It appears that our monsters come from the same dark places, and it’s nice to know someone else who’s broke free. It seems to be an ongoing battle for me, but one that’s coming closer to an end daily. And, from one survivor to another, I’m so glad you made it away from the abusive relationships!
Angie
January 26, 2010
Great post Lisa, thanks.
January 26, 2010
When we recognise and name our demons, we gain power over them. Kudos to you for claiming your power!
January 26, 2010
Wow, Lisa. Fantastic post. I am still feeling sort of disturbed about the condition in which you left a horrifying situation. Finding our way through the fire to be able to love ourselves enough to make it stop is so hard. I am happy for you that you’re coming out on the other end. These experiences should be a non fiction book.
January 26, 2010
Angela, I appreciate your comment. We survivors must stick together–as well as share our experiences so that others might not have to endure the same pain (or that those suffering might find the strength also to break free).
Adele and Margery, thanks so much for stopping by. I appreciate your replies.
Dina, while I did suffer some lasting effects from my experiences, I am grateful to have been able to walk away (with lessons learned). I wrote two nonfiction works based on my ex and my family: CAGE (screenplay) and CINDERELLA EYES (narrative nonfiction).
January 26, 2010
Powerful, amazing, post, Lisa! I’m knocked out by your story. And I’m a firm believer in your motto “the only way to destroy a monster is to expose it the light.” Shine on, Baby!
xoxo
-D
January 26, 2010
Oddly enough, I’ve done some ponderings of my own on a similar line. I noted (to myself) one day while “enjoying” my commute home that one of the most pervasive and scariest forms of horror is the kind that deals with the duality of man. The most firghtening monsters are the real ones, the ones inside each and every one of us.
I wrote a posting on it after reading your post above: http://www.writerscafe.org/writing/Rawhide/503205/
January 26, 2010
Lisa,
That you can put such emotions into your books is no wonder given that there is wonderful emotion here.
Thank you for sharing this personal part of you that makes you not only a great writer but a beautiful and strong person.
Yes, a few of my real life monsters have turned into villians in my books or the past relationships that my heroine must triumph over, as I did.
I have a shirt that says “That which does not kill me… makes a great plot point in my next novel!” Clearly it’s that way for you.
Write on,
Rachel
January 26, 2010
Dave, thank you for your continuous support. You and Dana are both awesome.
Robert, thank you for your thoughtful response. I love your examples as well as your point on the duality of both poles existing in all people. Well stated.
Rachel, I love your outlook and appreciate your sharing–and I love the quote!
January 26, 2010
I am also a survivor,my demon that taunted,tortured and imprisoned me is long gone. I refuse to be the victim of his memory.
January 27, 2010
Great post. Glad you got out of the dysfunctional relationships in your life. Like you, I’ve had to sever some ties along the way. Some I was born to have not been graced with my presence for more than half my life…and I am heartily glad of it.
I’m one that puts the demons and vampires and psychotics in my work, as themselves or as exaggerated versions of what they are. I’ve had some arrested and/or committed in books (which is where they belong). I’ve had some killed off, which is very cathartic.
Some of my misunderstood characters are driven by blackmail or abuse or situation to do the things they do, and I know the type very well.
Yes, expose them to the light or…my favorite… From Labyrinth: “You have no power over me.” And they don’t. I’m not that struggling for life teenager that the teachers were afraid to call the authorities to help anymore.
Brenna
January 28, 2010
Lisa,
Great post. Vampires you say. I’ve never thought of them that way. Thank you for opening my view. I’ve a few in my past, but nowhere near the devastions you’ve described.
I’m glad you were able to pull away and begin a new life.
Best wishes,
Cher
January 29, 2010
This is a scary insight to our beginnings, with our monsters. Having survived monsters. I now question where it all began.
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